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Chile Pepper Poetry, Prose and Ramblings


 

Pods

Double, double, toil and trouble
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Wrinkled habs from deadly vine
fall into the steaming brine.
Jalapenos red and green,
Fresno's glow and Datil's sting,
running from the hand of frost
into heat of fire are lost.
Tiny tepin, busty bell,
simmer in this broth of hell.
Here within the pot, immodest,
Peter Pepper finds the Goddess.
Fillet of a big New Mex
swims with coriander flecks.
Behold the skinless Stinking Rose,
quick! Into the pot it goes!
Seedy bits of trimmed placentas
making people pick their dentures,
dried-out scraps of the BREAD rinds
make them curse their own behinds.
Cover then this mix obscene
(making sure the rim is clean);
bind it down with gleaming bands,
still too hot to touch with hands.
Up onto the shelf it goes,
adding to some hotluck's woes.

Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1999 | From: Alex Silbajoris, (72163.1353@compuserve.com)



 

Pods 2

Double, double, toil and trouble
fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Wrinkled hab from deadly vine
slips into the steaming brine.
Jalapenos red and green,
Fresno's glow and Bonnet's sting,
fleeing before the hand of Frost
into heat of Fire are toss'd.
Datil's dimple, Cayenne's crinkle,
O'er Pimento's point we sprinkle.
Tiny tepin, busty bell,
simmer in this broth of hell.
Here within the pot, immodest,
Peter Pepper finds the Goddess.
Fillet of a big New Mex
swims with coriander flecks.
See the skinless Stinking Rose,
quick! Into the pot she goes!
Flavors, mingle! Vapors, rise!
Fingers, tingle! Burn thou, eyes!
Cover then this mix obscene
(making sure the rim is clean);
bind it down with gleaming bands,
still too hot to touch with hands.
Up onto the shelf it goes,
adding to some hotluck's woes.
And when thou sit upon the throne,
then the Potion's work is done.


Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1999 | From: Alex Silbajoris, (72163.1353@compuserve.com)



 

Ode To "The Sauce"

I hope that I will never taste,
A sauce that's bland as tomato paste.
Give me stuff that's hot as hell,
I know that it will treat me well.

No matter where I seem to go,
Through desert heat, through drifts of snow,
In search of heat, with lots of flavor,
That blazing sauce I'd love to savor.

Wherever I go I try to take,
A sauce so hot it'd choke a snake.
For you never know, what you will find,
If you leave your favorite sauce behind.

My tale is done, there is no more...
I hope that I have been no bore.
Don't try to take my favorite sauce,
Or the death I'll cause will be your loss.

Keep the mouthfires burning...Jeff | Date: Mon, 6 Oct 1997 | From: IEATCHILES@aol.com



 

Chile Haiku

Right foot on yellow
Hand reaches under for red
Salsa causes fall

Seeds planted in soil
Painful anticipation
Equals hope for pain

Date: Sat, 26 Jul 1997 | From: "Curt Snyder, Hot's Desire"



 

Yoopers and Downstaters

It's the second week of harvest
And I have stinky farts
I'm suffering from ring o' fire--
Can't tough my private parts.
But oh the glory of it.
Cayennes, habs and Thais
I look upon my garden
And let out happy sighs.
Oh, curry bliss and verde glee
Heaven is here at last
My patience is rewarded--
Scalded tongue and anal blast.


With apologies to Da Loopers Kay "no pain no gain" Buie
Date: Mon, 21 Jul 1997 | From: kay buie, (kaybuie@softcom.net)



 

Those Worthless Heatophobes.....

There once was a group that loved chile
And who seasoned their food willy nilly
But with no respect for others
Who, if given their druthers,
Would consider the heat rather silly.

I urge all heatophiles to discretion
Since to recruit is the unwritten mission
Gently introduce heat
To the non-CH's meat
So they someday will share in the vision.

It is childish to name them with mocking
As if personal tastes were so shocking
They are not lesser creatures
Nor do they lack worthy features
Just 'cause they don't want their own palates rocking.

No great contest is lost by being shown up
By a CH who prefers his food blown up
Consideration's the key...
Let the non-chilehead be!
And thus behave more like a grown up.

Date: Wed, 26 Nov 1997 | From: Charlotte Rowe, (char@griffy.nmt.edu)



 

Sonnet CLIV

There once was a group that loved chile
And who seasoned their food willy nilly
But with no respect for others
Who, if given their druthers,
Would consider the heat rather silly.

I urge all heatophiles to discretion
Since to recruit is the unwritten mission
Gently introduce heat
To the non-CH's meat
So they someday will share in the vision.

It is childish to name them with mocking
As if personal tastes were so shocking
They are not lesser creatures
Nor do they lack worthy features
Just 'cause they don't want their own palates rocking.

No great contest is lost by being shown up
By a CH who prefers his food blown up
Consideration's the key...
Let the non-chilehead be!
And thus behave more like a grown up.

Date: Sun, 7 Dec 1997 | From: "E. Kimball", (kimball@martech.fsu.edu)



 

The Night Before Chilemas
            or
The Mighty Endorphin Power Rangers

'Twas the night before Chilemas,
When all through the gardens
Not a creature was stirring,
not even the varmints;

The sweat sox were hung
by the chimney with care,
In hopes that El Grande
Soon would be there;

The kids watched the Food Channel
snug in their beds,
While visions of Hab Jelly
danced in their heads;

And Ma in her apron,
and I, in my whiskers,
Had just settled down
for a long winter's Twister.

When out by the garden
there arose such a clatter,
I slid in the garlic oil
to see what was the matter.

Away to the window
I flew like a flash,
Tripped over the Chili Pot
And threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of madness to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight chileheads, wierd,
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment El Grande was slick.

More rapid than eagles the ChileHeads came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Mary! now, Mark! now, Judy and Kit,
On, Gary, John, Suzy and Rael, you twit!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Two more teaspoons of Cayenne! And Home Brew for all!"

As dry heaves that before Pace Mild Salsa do fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the ChileHeads flew,
With the sleigh full of hot sauce, and El Grande too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
Chomping, burps, giggling, not the least bit aloof.
As I reached for the chips, and was turning around,
Down the chimney El Grande came with a bound.

He was dressed all in red, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all garnished with barbecue soot;
A sack from Bob's Firey Foods on his back,
And he looked like a pusher just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His forehead was sweating, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth did Chipotle stains show,
And the beard on his chin covered sauce stains below;

Crumbs of Burritos were stuck tight in his teeth,
And smoked jalapenos 'round his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like Red Savina (TM) jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a demented old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Made me run hide the last of Jim Campbell's Bread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the sweat soxs; looked at me like a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And snorting a tepin, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,

"RING OF FIRE TOMORROW, HAPPY CHILEMAS TONIGHT!"

Date: Tue, 23 Dec 1997 | From: John Benz Fentner, Jr., (jbenz@courant.infi.net)



 

Too Many Hot Sauce Blues

I go down to the store,
but I can't buy no more.
I don't have an inch left
in that sagging fridge door.

Too many hot sauce blues,
so many ways to light my fuse.
Scares me to say,
some how some way,
every one of these gonna shine
on my back door some day.

This one's kinda settled,
this one tastes like metal.
What was this old water-soaked soaked label? I forget - ugh!

This one I stored,
this one I ignored.
Here's a sticker saying
"I Support President Ford!"

Too many hot sauce blues,
I got the door open, trying to choose.
Trying to summon my will,
as I run up the bill.
Patting myself on the back
for every little bottle I kill.

Those wings got a coating,
my tacos are floating.
Playing with beans in a deep bowl of sauce,
thinking of boating.

Pour another one dry,
with each dinner I fry.
Take one to the office,
sit in the lunchroom, and cry.

Too many hot sauce blues,
So many troubles I gotta lose.
Folks think I'm insane
as I go through my pain.
But I know deep inside,
I can't change.

Date: Mon, 19 Apr 1999 | From: Alex Silbajoris, (72163.1353@compuserve.com)



 

Blessed be St. Campbell the Elder

A Fireman named Jim,
(And we all bless him)
Decided the firehall was not hot enough.
So he planted some chiles
Gave some folk the "willies"
But soon had a farm, in the rough.

Those chiles, they grew, and produced quite a few,
And soon he had chiles, galore.
He dried them, he ground them, he turned them to sauce,
And they soon started going out his door.

So one day, at home, before going to the hall,
He spotted the bread machine there.
And a devilish thought came into his head,
And he said"Gonna have me a ball"!

A loaf, he invented...well, modified, some;
Changed it's flavor, it's color, and taste too, by gum!
And mailed it to Chile-Heads all over the place,
And his only wish, was a look at their face(when they bit it, AND IT BIT BACK)

So, Jim has a new name...St. Campbell, the Elder! And his bread is known
far and wide, and as you are in Africa, someone may send you the
recipe! Cheers, Doug in BC

Date: Fri, 28 May 1999 | From: Doug Irvine, (dirvin@bc.sympatico.ca)



 

WHEN TILLIE ATE THE CHILI

When Tillie ate the chili,
She erupted from her seat,
She gulped a quart of water,
And fled screaming down the street,
She coughed, she wheezed, she sputtered,
She ran totally amok,
She set a new world record
As she raced around the block.
Tillie's mouth was full of fire,
Tillie's eyes were red with tears,
She was smoking from her nostrils,
She was steaming from her ears,
She cooled off an hour later,
Showing perfect self-control
As she said, "What tasty chili,
I should like another bowl.

Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 | By Jack Prelutsky | From: McWilliams, Dan, (DMcWilliams@fendall.com)



 

The Low-Down, Knuckle-Draggin', Neurotic, ChileHead Blues.

I got up this mornin'
And downloaded "THE LIST",
And then I saw a subject,
That I just couldn't resist...

I knew in an instant,
When I saw who it was from,
That I was one of "The Twelve",
And I knew how come...

The message it told me,
That I was a S*** and a F***,
It said I was neurotic,
And I thought, "What luck!"

I've got the Low Down, Knuckle-Draggin',
Neurotic, ChileHead Blues!!!

I can hold my head high now,
Wear my titles with pride,
Just like eating a chile,
I felt a warm glow inside.

My friends all adore me,
They say I'm such fun,
When I suggest we play "Twister",
They all come on the run.

I've got the Low Down, Knuckle-Draggin',
Neurotic, ChileHead Blues!!!

Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1999 | From: Schickowski, Jeff, (Jeff.Schickowski@med.va.gov)



 

CHILI (sic) PEPPER


They have good food in Texas, I can tell you this is true.
I've had my share of chicken-fried steak and down home barbecue.
So when a cowboy looked at me with a twinkle in his eye,
and said "I've got a lil' somethin' here I think that you should try."
I was ready to be a Texan, to be part of the Lone Star State.
Then he took a chili pepper [1] and tossed it on my plate.
I didn't know they taste like fire, so I popped it in my mouth.
One arm went east and the other west, my legs went north and south.
It was hotter than a branding iron, hotter than the Texas sun [2].
I leaped from my chair, did flips in the air.
It was not what you'd call fun.
The wranglers [3] started laughing as the sweat rolled down my cheeks.
My mouth and tongue and lips burned for the next 500 weeks [4]!
So if you try a chili pepper, please take my advice --
Have a water pitcher handy that is filled with lots of ice!!

[1] Insert your favorite chile pepper here :-)
[2] Baloney, nothings hotter than the Texas sun.
[3] or the Chile Heads
[4] Insert obligatory ring of fire reference here

Date: Fri, 11 Jun 1999 | By: Susan Munguia | From: Bill Woodward, (bill_cchkk@yahoo.com)



 

Ring of Fire

Sung to the tune of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire"

Dinner last night
Was quite a treat
Tried to see how much hot stuff
That we could eat

Next morning though
My innards grumbled
So off to the bathroom
I quickly fumbled

I sat down on a burnin' ring of fire
I tried to flush it down
But the flames they got higher
And it burns, burns, burns
That ring of fire
That ring of fire

Now you would have thought
By now I'd have learned
That a firey mouth
Ain't all that burns

My thighs are marked
By a painful grip
A whimpering cry
Sighs 'cross my lip

I sat down on a burnin' ring of fire
I tried to flush it down
But the flames they got higher
And it burns, burns, burns
That ring of fire
That ring of fire

I always tell myself
Lord! Never Again!
But I know it's not if
But more likely when

Those chiles entice
I can't say no
Whip out my Chile-head card
Psssst! Here we go!

I'll sit down on a burnin' ring of fire
I will try to flush it down
But the flames they'll get higher
And it'll burn, burn, burn
That ring of fire
That ring of fire!

 
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 1997 | From: Mark Stevens, (mstevens@exit109.com)







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